This week I found myself in a bit of a shit-storm at work. In short, an incident occurred at a camp I worked at recently, and instead of coming forward with all the proper information, I decided to go along with a story that was created to brush the situation under the rug. My boss, the Major, saw this as lying, and it obviously pissed him off. Then I lost something, and didn?t go through all the proper reporting procedures (not maliciously, just because I?m an idiot), and this also pissed him off. So?he decided to bring me down to base to give me a good talking to. He imparted some pretty good lessons, and I?d like to pass these along to you?
? When you have a good team, they?re there to support you. Think about farting. No seriously, think about it. Ok, now that you?re done giggling?. If you fart in a group of friends, you take credit for it, right? You?re not concerned if they know. If you?re part of a strong team, it?s the same thing. Take credit for it, and don?t try and pass that stink onto somebody else.
? Reporting is important. Why? All decisions are part of a bigger picture. Whether you?re right, wrong, or somewhere in between ? whether you screwed up or did the best thing ever, your decision goes beyond yourself. You need to let people (superiors) know about what?s going on. If you did well, lessons can be learned, the business can grow. If you screwed up, your superiors can fix it better than you can. Fess up, because leaders have flexibility in most matters.
? While leaders have flexibility, it is absolutely essential that they stick to their integrity. That goes for everybody. Ultimately, integrity (or, our reputation) is all we have. Once we?ve compromised that integrity, it?s gone forever. You will always be challenged on it. You lay a thousand bricks and you?re known as a brick layer, but you blow one goat, and you?re known as the goat blower for the rest of your life. One exception to the rule means people will expect multiple exceptions. You may have to hurt people along the way, but that?s part of the burden of leadership.
? And last but not least, a lesson on being a leader in a hierarchy: It's hard to wrap your brain around, but really....nothing you think matters. I know, that sounds dramatic. But in reality, you're basically a piece in the plan of somebody above you. If you remember that, it will help you think properly in your decision making process, and make the best decisions in the interest of your company. This is obviously extremely important in the Army (?Take that hill!? ?Well?.I don?t think that?s a good idea?), but it?s in play in the business world as well.
Now get back to work, crazy.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Follow up to "additional...", so read that one first!
After a good 20 minutes of debate with Petite, I'd like to add some clarifications and stipulations to my Hiroshima argument.
First and foremost, I'd like to limit the debate to events, not necessarily inventions. The steam engine, the combustion engine, penicillin, the micro chip, birth control, etc etc, were all absurdly important. I'm not debating this fact. However, important inventions lead to important events...and I'm just talking about events. Second, I make that bold statement with the belief that an all out nuclear war between the US and USSR during the 80s or 90s could have lead to nuclear holocaust and nuclear winter. We're talking end of the world level shit. With those kind of implications, I can only think of ONE specific event that would be more important. Sputnik. Sputnik launches the space race, which progresses satellite technology to the point where ICBMs (inter-continental ballistic missiles) are possible to the extent that we and the Russians could blow each other back to the ice age. Which is exactly what would occur if we were to experience nuclear winter. However, as you all know, I love debate. So...bring it.
First and foremost, I'd like to limit the debate to events, not necessarily inventions. The steam engine, the combustion engine, penicillin, the micro chip, birth control, etc etc, were all absurdly important. I'm not debating this fact. However, important inventions lead to important events...and I'm just talking about events. Second, I make that bold statement with the belief that an all out nuclear war between the US and USSR during the 80s or 90s could have lead to nuclear holocaust and nuclear winter. We're talking end of the world level shit. With those kind of implications, I can only think of ONE specific event that would be more important. Sputnik. Sputnik launches the space race, which progresses satellite technology to the point where ICBMs (inter-continental ballistic missiles) are possible to the extent that we and the Russians could blow each other back to the ice age. Which is exactly what would occur if we were to experience nuclear winter. However, as you all know, I love debate. So...bring it.
Additional left over randomness....specificially random to today.
Sorry for the two straight posts of randomness, but I have some things to talk about. Tomorrow I’m going to hit on the interesting week I’ve had, and some valuable lessons the Major taught me yesterday – but tomorrow is for tomorrow. Back to today.
· Today is the 64th anniversary of the atomic bombing of Hiroshima. I would argue that this is one of the top 5, if not THE, most important event in modern history. Before heading right to the comment section before reading the rest of this post to say, “But John, what about _____, that’s wayyyyyy more important, dummy!” I just want you to think about something. While many American soldiers have died in the resulting 64 years, there has not been a war between super-powers, or even major powers for that matter, since the conclusion of WWII. What do you think the war would have looked like between the US and Russia (and the subsequent allies that would have been pulled in) had both nations not been terrified of mutual assured destruction at the hand of the Bomb? Better yet, when that war would have entered the terribly long and drawn out stage (like both world wars before it), do you think for a second that one of the two countries wouldn’t have eventually started slinging nukes to try and end it? Just a thought.
· Now a lighter note. Today driving across Rt. 80 (I know, another driving story), I saw a flatbed truck carrying a carwash. Like, one of the ones you drive into, stop, and it auto-washes your car. Some of the equipment was in it, and the outside of the carwash was a nice brick façade. I can’t even begin to explain how awesome this was, and I’m immensely disappointed I didn’t have my camera with me. My camera phone just would not have done it justice. Now here’s the question – how much money would you pay to drive up the back ramp of a flatbed, get a carwash (while still progressing towards your destination), roll off the back all Knight Rider style, and then continue on your day? We’re not even putting a price on the story value of this, and the pictures that could be had. I’m not a rich man, but I’d probably pay $200, easy. I mean, not $200 over and over again, but definitely once for the experience. And it’d have to come with the full wax and buff treatment and all that for the money. But whatever…I just may be on to something here!
· I’m going on a 5 day hiking trip next week (sorry, no blogs), and I decided to invest in a sweet hammock. This hammock has a little bit of everything. It’s got a built on bug net, it comes with a great rain cover, and all things considering it’s pretty comfy. I think I overpaid a bit for what amounts to a large sheet of plastic, but for 5 days of not sleeping on the ground it was well worth it. Last night I decided to give it a test-run…ya know, make sure I could set it up properly, make sure it wouldn’t fall out of the tree, etc etc…before I was tired and frustrated after hiking 12 miles on the first day with a bunch of whiny kids. The bag said “Assembly time: 2.5 minutes”. HA! Maybe 2.5 minutes per suggested knot. But I digress. 25 good minutes later I finally have the siesta swing to a standard where I think I could probably survive the night, and I’m thinking – OK, it’s now or never. Let’s give this a go. I get in, and am actually asleep pretty quickly. Victory is mine! Not so fast, Lombardi….Moral of the story? Before thinking this is a good idea, check the goddamn weather report. It got down to about 42 degrees last night. I was unprepared. I was also back inside at about 3AM. Yeah…better luck next week, champ.
Now get back to work, crazy.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Hodgepodge
Here's what I happen to be thinking about today...
· Today the only rock station in State College (and really in all of north-central PA) went off the air unannounced. No warning, no goodbye, not even an explanation on their website. A few years ago the same exact thing happened to my favorite alternative-rock station in Philly. Here’s what I want to know – what could possibly be the motive of just shutting down a station over night without any explanation to their listeners? Even if the station isn’t doing well, why not allow the DJs to say their goodbyes and have a bit of a swan song? It just seems absurd to me. That’s not the way we do business in the rest of the world, so why is it acceptable for radio?
· I don’t know much of anything about cars. Neither does Mike Petite. However, over the past 2 years we’ve both learned the same valuable lesson: if you don’t do any regular maintenance to your car whatsoever, at very least you need to occasionally check your oil. If you don’t check your oil, when that light goes on, you pretty much need to immediately pull over and put oil in it. Otherwise you wreck your engine. This same rule applies for overheating. If you’re overheating, don’t try and make it those extra 5 miles back home. You’ll wreck your engine that way too. Just pull over and get a tow-truck….it’s cheaper than a new car / engine. Learn from my mistakes!
· REI’s customer service gets a 10/10 in my book. The US Postal Service sent back some equipment I need for a 5 day hike coming up because my landlord didn’t submit my name as a tenant (nor did I take the initiative to do it). It’s a big package, and with standard shipping it just wouldn’t have gotten here in time, so I was willing to pay the extra money to get it here in a few days. However, REI is 3-day’ing it to me for free. Outstanding. They also have really cheap outdoor gear, and some good clearance stuff. I’ll happily advertise for them since they’re hooking me up.
· For some reason as male-type adults we tend to have an aversion for cartoon movies (unless you’re dorks like my friends and watch tons of anime, but that’s a whole ‘nother story). Well one of my favorite movies of all time is Shrek, a couple weeks ago I watched Wall-e and just yesterday I saw Cars. These movies sometimes are kinda corny because they’re obviously geared towards children, but I’ve got to say, just because it’s animated we shouldn’t over rate them. A good movie is a good movie is a good movie regardless of whether or not the actors are real.
· Great service is underrated. Because I’ve spent a bunch of years paying my rent on tips, I’m pretty critical of my waiters and bartenders. This weekend with company here we really had excellent service everywhere we went. Because of this, I tipped absurdly well. Excellent service can definitely make or break going out for me, and while great company could have pushed through bad service, the great service definitely helped. Moral of the story: if you think your server did a fantastic job, reward them as such. They get paid $2.83/hr.
· I’ve just picked back up “Thank You For Arguing” by Jay Heinrichs. Very, very good book. It’s basically about the art of persuasion, but if you even have the slightest interest in debate, conversation, and rhetoric, it’s a must read.
· 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon: 1) I’m friends with Jeff Zubernis, who was in the 6th Sense (Silence, village idiot!) 2) with Bruce Willis 3) who was in Four Rooms with Marissa Tomei 4) who was in Lover boy with Kevin Bacon!
Now get back to work, crazy.
· Today the only rock station in State College (and really in all of north-central PA) went off the air unannounced. No warning, no goodbye, not even an explanation on their website. A few years ago the same exact thing happened to my favorite alternative-rock station in Philly. Here’s what I want to know – what could possibly be the motive of just shutting down a station over night without any explanation to their listeners? Even if the station isn’t doing well, why not allow the DJs to say their goodbyes and have a bit of a swan song? It just seems absurd to me. That’s not the way we do business in the rest of the world, so why is it acceptable for radio?
· I don’t know much of anything about cars. Neither does Mike Petite. However, over the past 2 years we’ve both learned the same valuable lesson: if you don’t do any regular maintenance to your car whatsoever, at very least you need to occasionally check your oil. If you don’t check your oil, when that light goes on, you pretty much need to immediately pull over and put oil in it. Otherwise you wreck your engine. This same rule applies for overheating. If you’re overheating, don’t try and make it those extra 5 miles back home. You’ll wreck your engine that way too. Just pull over and get a tow-truck….it’s cheaper than a new car / engine. Learn from my mistakes!
· REI’s customer service gets a 10/10 in my book. The US Postal Service sent back some equipment I need for a 5 day hike coming up because my landlord didn’t submit my name as a tenant (nor did I take the initiative to do it). It’s a big package, and with standard shipping it just wouldn’t have gotten here in time, so I was willing to pay the extra money to get it here in a few days. However, REI is 3-day’ing it to me for free. Outstanding. They also have really cheap outdoor gear, and some good clearance stuff. I’ll happily advertise for them since they’re hooking me up.
· For some reason as male-type adults we tend to have an aversion for cartoon movies (unless you’re dorks like my friends and watch tons of anime, but that’s a whole ‘nother story). Well one of my favorite movies of all time is Shrek, a couple weeks ago I watched Wall-e and just yesterday I saw Cars. These movies sometimes are kinda corny because they’re obviously geared towards children, but I’ve got to say, just because it’s animated we shouldn’t over rate them. A good movie is a good movie is a good movie regardless of whether or not the actors are real.
· Great service is underrated. Because I’ve spent a bunch of years paying my rent on tips, I’m pretty critical of my waiters and bartenders. This weekend with company here we really had excellent service everywhere we went. Because of this, I tipped absurdly well. Excellent service can definitely make or break going out for me, and while great company could have pushed through bad service, the great service definitely helped. Moral of the story: if you think your server did a fantastic job, reward them as such. They get paid $2.83/hr.
· I’ve just picked back up “Thank You For Arguing” by Jay Heinrichs. Very, very good book. It’s basically about the art of persuasion, but if you even have the slightest interest in debate, conversation, and rhetoric, it’s a must read.
· 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon: 1) I’m friends with Jeff Zubernis, who was in the 6th Sense (Silence, village idiot!) 2) with Bruce Willis 3) who was in Four Rooms with Marissa Tomei 4) who was in Lover boy with Kevin Bacon!
Now get back to work, crazy.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Tis better to give...
This weekend I was reading an article in Sports Illustrated about the power of a good deed. The story was about an NFL lineman who one day invited a group of his closest friends and family out to dinner, and when they all sat down they were surprised to each receive an envelope filled with $55 (the player’s jersey number). Along with the money was instructions for each person to now go off into the world and use this relatively small sum (I say relatively because I know a few of my out of work friends would kill for $55) and make a difference. So off they went, doing various good deeds like filling parking meters, buying food for the needy, etc, etc, and the player thought his project was a huge success. What he didn’t anticipate though, is how the project would grow. Many of his friends included a filled envelope of their own while doing good for others, and quickly the gift of giving, and these $55 envelopes spread like wild fire. Today, years later, he still receives calls and emails from strangers telling them how he’s impacted their lives, and how they plan on continuing the chain. I finished this story with a new found faith in humanity – which is rare for me considering I typically think that the general populous is full people who only care as far as the tips of their noses.
Then I got in the car to return back to State College and turned on the radio to discover that Metallica was being held hostage by the radio station. OK, not literally, but the DJ came up with this fun idea that in order to raise money for leukemia research (a cause that this particular station often supports), he’d refuse to play any Metallica until $100 was donated by the listeners. In almost two hours the stationed managed to raise…wait for it…12 dollars. TWELVE DOLLARS?!? Needless to say, he was rather disgusted by his audience, and kept pointing out that if each listener would only donate $1, they’d reach their goal in no time. Finally somebody called in to donate the balance ($76), but ONLY if he could pick the Metallica songs that would be played when they went back on the air. I understand that a lot of listeners are in their cars, and therefore can’t pledge money online like the DJ was requesting, but the simple fact that out of all of NEPA 100 people couldn’t find it in themselves to make a small donation is a pretty bad omen on the state of the world right now.
So here’s my proposition to you….all 6 of you that read this….go out and do something this week that makes a difference in somebody’s life. No idea how to do that? Well then, I’m glad I’m here to help! (In order from little things to big things)
1. Common courtesies – people underestimate how far a smile, or a compliment, or a thank you can go. I’m sure you’ve been somewhere with your hands full and the jackass in front of you didn’t care to hold the door open for you. Or YOU held the door open and said jackass didn’t say thank you. Do the little things – they go a long way. Example: http://pennstate.craigslist.org/rnr/1274935381.html
2. Monetary Donations – In the immortal words of Supertramp, Give a little bit! I’m not talking about making donations around tax time so you can make a write off. You’re doing that for YOU. Instead, give a little bit of money where you know it will do some good. Drop that change in the Salvation Army jug, or send some money to a cause that means something to you. If you’ve lost a loved one too soon, or an organization has made a huge impact in your life, it should be easy to pick a cause. Just remember that every dollar helps.
3. Giving “stuff” – You can’t help everyone. I know. But sometimes a situation will arise when you think you could legitimately make a difference in this person’s life. Once I met a kid living on the street who couldn’t have been any older than me, so I bought him lunch and a new winter cap. Did it better that kid’s life? Probably not, but I know I lifted him up a bit. Remember that socks and sandwiches for the homeless, or toys to children can go a long way. Going to the Salv to donate those designer clothes you haven’t worn in years (as opposed to going to get clothes for a theme party) fits in this category too.
4. Time – To me this is the most important, because it’s the hardest. Donate some time. Again, there are a million causes, and a million resources where you can donate your time. Volunteer at a hospital, work with sick / underprivileged kids (like Big Brothers Big Sisters) or deliver Meals on Wheels to the elderly. There are people that really need personal help every single day, and even though we might be busy, that time spent in front of the TV or at the computer after work could always be put to better use.
Now, I don’t expect everyone who reads this to go out and immediately turn into a saint, giving of all their free time. But just remember, goodness spreads. Do your part.
Now get back to work, crazy.
Then I got in the car to return back to State College and turned on the radio to discover that Metallica was being held hostage by the radio station. OK, not literally, but the DJ came up with this fun idea that in order to raise money for leukemia research (a cause that this particular station often supports), he’d refuse to play any Metallica until $100 was donated by the listeners. In almost two hours the stationed managed to raise…wait for it…12 dollars. TWELVE DOLLARS?!? Needless to say, he was rather disgusted by his audience, and kept pointing out that if each listener would only donate $1, they’d reach their goal in no time. Finally somebody called in to donate the balance ($76), but ONLY if he could pick the Metallica songs that would be played when they went back on the air. I understand that a lot of listeners are in their cars, and therefore can’t pledge money online like the DJ was requesting, but the simple fact that out of all of NEPA 100 people couldn’t find it in themselves to make a small donation is a pretty bad omen on the state of the world right now.
So here’s my proposition to you….all 6 of you that read this….go out and do something this week that makes a difference in somebody’s life. No idea how to do that? Well then, I’m glad I’m here to help! (In order from little things to big things)
1. Common courtesies – people underestimate how far a smile, or a compliment, or a thank you can go. I’m sure you’ve been somewhere with your hands full and the jackass in front of you didn’t care to hold the door open for you. Or YOU held the door open and said jackass didn’t say thank you. Do the little things – they go a long way. Example: http://pennstate.craigslist.org/rnr/1274935381.html
2. Monetary Donations – In the immortal words of Supertramp, Give a little bit! I’m not talking about making donations around tax time so you can make a write off. You’re doing that for YOU. Instead, give a little bit of money where you know it will do some good. Drop that change in the Salvation Army jug, or send some money to a cause that means something to you. If you’ve lost a loved one too soon, or an organization has made a huge impact in your life, it should be easy to pick a cause. Just remember that every dollar helps.
3. Giving “stuff” – You can’t help everyone. I know. But sometimes a situation will arise when you think you could legitimately make a difference in this person’s life. Once I met a kid living on the street who couldn’t have been any older than me, so I bought him lunch and a new winter cap. Did it better that kid’s life? Probably not, but I know I lifted him up a bit. Remember that socks and sandwiches for the homeless, or toys to children can go a long way. Going to the Salv to donate those designer clothes you haven’t worn in years (as opposed to going to get clothes for a theme party) fits in this category too.
4. Time – To me this is the most important, because it’s the hardest. Donate some time. Again, there are a million causes, and a million resources where you can donate your time. Volunteer at a hospital, work with sick / underprivileged kids (like Big Brothers Big Sisters) or deliver Meals on Wheels to the elderly. There are people that really need personal help every single day, and even though we might be busy, that time spent in front of the TV or at the computer after work could always be put to better use.
Now, I don’t expect everyone who reads this to go out and immediately turn into a saint, giving of all their free time. But just remember, goodness spreads. Do your part.
Now get back to work, crazy.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Rant from the road
Just a couple thoughts from my most recent trip across Rt. 80 (in the rain).
• In Pennsylvania, it’s illegal to coast in the left lane. On a two
lane highway, the left lane is for passing. So…while I understand that
driving your Hummer you’d like to get every little MPG you can get and
save yourself 14 cents by taking the insides of the curves….GET OUT OF
THE LEFT HAND LANE and GET OUT OF MY WAY! You probably have your
blinker on too, a-hole, but that’s a whole ‘nother story.
• And while I’m at it, if you’re in the left hand lane, you better be
going fast enough to justify that perhaps maybe just maybe you’re
going to be passing somebody 25 miles up the road that we can’t even
see yet. At least then you have some sort of defense. But when the
speed limit is 65, traffic is going 80, and you’re doing SIXTY in the
left hand lane…you’re actually just dangerous. You’re lucky I drive an
itty bitty sissy car, because if I drove something big I’d just get
real close behind you and start pushing.
• Speaking of speed – You’re a law abiding citizen. You take “Speed
Limit 65” to its word, and you decide that you’re going to enjoy
yourself in your minivan / Cadillac / busted ass old pickup while
cruising at 55 on the interstate. However, I am not a law abiding
citizen, nor are 95% of the rest of the motorists, and you going that
slow is legitimately dangerous to traffic. If you’re afraid to drive,
GET OFF THE ROAD. Seriously, there are perfectly good country highways
that follow the interstate that have slower speed limits. You’ll be
happier there with the Mennonites and the Amish in their buggies.
Unless of course they’re going fast enough to bother you, too.
• More on speed – PICK ONE! Most cars now adays have cruise control,
so it should be pretty easy to run at a consistent speed. However, if
your vehicle doesn’t have cruise, would it absolutely kill you to
glance down at your speedometer once in a while? It doesn’t seem
unusual to you that you’ve passed / been passed by the same car over
and over again? That’s because you can’t decide between 55 and 75!
We’re not playing tag! These people make me want to pull my hair out.
Then they’re completely confused when I pass them for the 17th time in
4 miles and I give them the finger. I’m pretty sure they think I just
hate them for driving a stupid minivan. When I’m Czar of all things,
these are the first people to die. I’m actually riled up just writing
about it.
• And last but not least. It may be noon and therefore bright enough
for you to see the road. I get it. However, it’s POURING rain,
everybody’s kicking up little water clouds behind them, and it’s
generally hard to see. So please…please….turn your goddamn lights on.
No seriously, I get it…you can see just fine, so why do you need your
lights?? Listen genius, if you don’t turn your HEAD lights on, your
TAIL lights don’t turn on either. So when you’re sitting in the left
hand lane (cause when you do one of these obnoxious things, you
generally do all of these obnoxious things…because you’re a d-bag)
without your lights on in the pouring rain and someone can’t see you –
don’t piss and moan when they end up in your trunk.
Now get back to work, crazy.
• In Pennsylvania, it’s illegal to coast in the left lane. On a two
lane highway, the left lane is for passing. So…while I understand that
driving your Hummer you’d like to get every little MPG you can get and
save yourself 14 cents by taking the insides of the curves….GET OUT OF
THE LEFT HAND LANE and GET OUT OF MY WAY! You probably have your
blinker on too, a-hole, but that’s a whole ‘nother story.
• And while I’m at it, if you’re in the left hand lane, you better be
going fast enough to justify that perhaps maybe just maybe you’re
going to be passing somebody 25 miles up the road that we can’t even
see yet. At least then you have some sort of defense. But when the
speed limit is 65, traffic is going 80, and you’re doing SIXTY in the
left hand lane…you’re actually just dangerous. You’re lucky I drive an
itty bitty sissy car, because if I drove something big I’d just get
real close behind you and start pushing.
• Speaking of speed – You’re a law abiding citizen. You take “Speed
Limit 65” to its word, and you decide that you’re going to enjoy
yourself in your minivan / Cadillac / busted ass old pickup while
cruising at 55 on the interstate. However, I am not a law abiding
citizen, nor are 95% of the rest of the motorists, and you going that
slow is legitimately dangerous to traffic. If you’re afraid to drive,
GET OFF THE ROAD. Seriously, there are perfectly good country highways
that follow the interstate that have slower speed limits. You’ll be
happier there with the Mennonites and the Amish in their buggies.
Unless of course they’re going fast enough to bother you, too.
• More on speed – PICK ONE! Most cars now adays have cruise control,
so it should be pretty easy to run at a consistent speed. However, if
your vehicle doesn’t have cruise, would it absolutely kill you to
glance down at your speedometer once in a while? It doesn’t seem
unusual to you that you’ve passed / been passed by the same car over
and over again? That’s because you can’t decide between 55 and 75!
We’re not playing tag! These people make me want to pull my hair out.
Then they’re completely confused when I pass them for the 17th time in
4 miles and I give them the finger. I’m pretty sure they think I just
hate them for driving a stupid minivan. When I’m Czar of all things,
these are the first people to die. I’m actually riled up just writing
about it.
• And last but not least. It may be noon and therefore bright enough
for you to see the road. I get it. However, it’s POURING rain,
everybody’s kicking up little water clouds behind them, and it’s
generally hard to see. So please…please….turn your goddamn lights on.
No seriously, I get it…you can see just fine, so why do you need your
lights?? Listen genius, if you don’t turn your HEAD lights on, your
TAIL lights don’t turn on either. So when you’re sitting in the left
hand lane (cause when you do one of these obnoxious things, you
generally do all of these obnoxious things…because you’re a d-bag)
without your lights on in the pouring rain and someone can’t see you –
don’t piss and moan when they end up in your trunk.
Now get back to work, crazy.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
I believe I can fly!
I believe I can fly!
For those of you who may not of been privileged enough to be members of SigEp at Lehigh, you may not be aware of our (my) tradition of asking “which super-power would you rather have: flight, invisibility, or blowjobs on demand?” during pledge interviews. You tend to learn a lot about a person from the ensuing conversation. I mean, guys, think about the ramifications of these choices? Flight or invisibility could really help change your life or change the world. Think of all you could do and all that could be accomplished. But could you really pass up sexual gratification on demand?
All of these would be undeniably awesome super powers. I don’t think anybody could argue with that. But that got me thinking – what about really average super powers? Powers that while possibly cool, wouldn’t really have any huge world-altering possibilities. No, no, no, that’s too easy. Scrap that. I want BAD super powers. Powers that, while you would be like no other person on earth, and the power might seem cool to others, you’d pretty much be burdened by it and hate life.
Here are some just off the top of my head, but I’d definitely like some input on this one from the peanut gallery.
1. The constant ability to hear the thoughts of wildlife. - Personally I think this would be pretty cool – until I think about the details. Imagine if you had to hear the inner most thoughts of really simple creatures like bugs and birds all the time. Do you think that they think about anything other than food and defecation? Betcha not. And what if their thoughts wouldn’t be in English. So…what if you’d walk around and basically hear dogs barking in their heads all the time. I bet that wouldn’t be any fun…
2. The ability to catch fire (like the human torch)…but the inability to control it. - I don’t think I even need to get in to the social ramifications of this.
3. The ability to sleep…through anything. – Admit it, at first thought this seems AWESOME. But could you keep a regular job? Alarms would be worthless, so you’d have to go to bed ridiculously early every night. You can then basically throw out your social life. Plus what about those little naps on the train or plane while commuting. Those are gone too. You’d actually have to make a conscious effort never to doze off in class or at the office…because you’d sleep for hours! Needless to say, I’m not sure there’s enough caffeine in the world to make that worth it.
4. The ability to always know what one other person is doing. - You don’t get to change the person, and there’s no guarantee that you even know who the person is. I’m not sure about the logistics of this one – would you constantly hear their thoughts? Would be it like a movie narrative in your head? Either or, sounds interesting until you consider that you can’t turn it off.
5. Knowing how any sporting event you have any interest in is going to end. – Now before you get all excited about the betting possibilities of this (Mike Petite), keep in mind that this will take any and all joy about watching sports at all. All sports. Even wii sports. I know…sucks doesn’t it.
Leave some comments and give some other fun bad super powers. I know you have some in mind. Let’s hear ‘em.
Now get back to work, crazy.
“It’s not easy, to be-eeee, meeeee” – 5 For Fighting
For those of you who may not of been privileged enough to be members of SigEp at Lehigh, you may not be aware of our (my) tradition of asking “which super-power would you rather have: flight, invisibility, or blowjobs on demand?” during pledge interviews. You tend to learn a lot about a person from the ensuing conversation. I mean, guys, think about the ramifications of these choices? Flight or invisibility could really help change your life or change the world. Think of all you could do and all that could be accomplished. But could you really pass up sexual gratification on demand?
All of these would be undeniably awesome super powers. I don’t think anybody could argue with that. But that got me thinking – what about really average super powers? Powers that while possibly cool, wouldn’t really have any huge world-altering possibilities. No, no, no, that’s too easy. Scrap that. I want BAD super powers. Powers that, while you would be like no other person on earth, and the power might seem cool to others, you’d pretty much be burdened by it and hate life.
Here are some just off the top of my head, but I’d definitely like some input on this one from the peanut gallery.
1. The constant ability to hear the thoughts of wildlife. - Personally I think this would be pretty cool – until I think about the details. Imagine if you had to hear the inner most thoughts of really simple creatures like bugs and birds all the time. Do you think that they think about anything other than food and defecation? Betcha not. And what if their thoughts wouldn’t be in English. So…what if you’d walk around and basically hear dogs barking in their heads all the time. I bet that wouldn’t be any fun…
2. The ability to catch fire (like the human torch)…but the inability to control it. - I don’t think I even need to get in to the social ramifications of this.
3. The ability to sleep…through anything. – Admit it, at first thought this seems AWESOME. But could you keep a regular job? Alarms would be worthless, so you’d have to go to bed ridiculously early every night. You can then basically throw out your social life. Plus what about those little naps on the train or plane while commuting. Those are gone too. You’d actually have to make a conscious effort never to doze off in class or at the office…because you’d sleep for hours! Needless to say, I’m not sure there’s enough caffeine in the world to make that worth it.
4. The ability to always know what one other person is doing. - You don’t get to change the person, and there’s no guarantee that you even know who the person is. I’m not sure about the logistics of this one – would you constantly hear their thoughts? Would be it like a movie narrative in your head? Either or, sounds interesting until you consider that you can’t turn it off.
5. Knowing how any sporting event you have any interest in is going to end. – Now before you get all excited about the betting possibilities of this (Mike Petite), keep in mind that this will take any and all joy about watching sports at all. All sports. Even wii sports. I know…sucks doesn’t it.
Leave some comments and give some other fun bad super powers. I know you have some in mind. Let’s hear ‘em.
Now get back to work, crazy.
“It’s not easy, to be-eeee, meeeee” – 5 For Fighting
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