I believe I can fly!

I believe I can fly!

For those of you who may not of been privileged enough to be members of SigEp at Lehigh, you may not be aware of our (my) tradition of asking “which super-power would you rather have: flight, invisibility, or blowjobs on demand?” during pledge interviews. You tend to learn a lot about a person from the ensuing conversation. I mean, guys, think about the ramifications of these choices? Flight or invisibility could really help change your life or change the world. Think of all you could do and all that could be accomplished. But could you really pass up sexual gratification on demand?

All of these would be undeniably awesome super powers. I don’t think anybody could argue with that. But that got me thinking – what about really average super powers? Powers that while possibly cool, wouldn’t really have any huge world-altering possibilities. No, no, no, that’s too easy. Scrap that. I want BAD super powers. Powers that, while you would be like no other person on earth, and the power might seem cool to others, you’d pretty much be burdened by it and hate life.

Here are some just off the top of my head, but I’d definitely like some input on this one from the peanut gallery.

1. The constant ability to hear the thoughts of wildlife. - Personally I think this would be pretty cool – until I think about the details. Imagine if you had to hear the inner most thoughts of really simple creatures like bugs and birds all the time. Do you think that they think about anything other than food and defecation? Betcha not. And what if their thoughts wouldn’t be in English. So…what if you’d walk around and basically hear dogs barking in their heads all the time. I bet that wouldn’t be any fun…

2. The ability to catch fire (like the human torch)…but the inability to control it. - I don’t think I even need to get in to the social ramifications of this.

3. The ability to sleep…through anything. – Admit it, at first thought this seems AWESOME. But could you keep a regular job? Alarms would be worthless, so you’d have to go to bed ridiculously early every night. You can then basically throw out your social life. Plus what about those little naps on the train or plane while commuting. Those are gone too. You’d actually have to make a conscious effort never to doze off in class or at the office…because you’d sleep for hours! Needless to say, I’m not sure there’s enough caffeine in the world to make that worth it.

4. The ability to always know what one other person is doing. - You don’t get to change the person, and there’s no guarantee that you even know who the person is. I’m not sure about the logistics of this one – would you constantly hear their thoughts? Would be it like a movie narrative in your head? Either or, sounds interesting until you consider that you can’t turn it off.

5. Knowing how any sporting event you have any interest in is going to end. – Now before you get all excited about the betting possibilities of this (Mike Petite), keep in mind that this will take any and all joy about watching sports at all. All sports. Even wii sports. I know…sucks doesn’t it.

Leave some comments and give some other fun bad super powers. I know you have some in mind. Let’s hear ‘em.

Now get back to work, crazy.


“It’s not easy, to be-eeee, meeeee” – 5 For Fighting