This weekend I was reading an article in Sports Illustrated about the power of a good deed. The story was about an NFL lineman who one day invited a group of his closest friends and family out to dinner, and when they all sat down they were surprised to each receive an envelope filled with $55 (the player’s jersey number). Along with the money was instructions for each person to now go off into the world and use this relatively small sum (I say relatively because I know a few of my out of work friends would kill for $55) and make a difference. So off they went, doing various good deeds like filling parking meters, buying food for the needy, etc, etc, and the player thought his project was a huge success. What he didn’t anticipate though, is how the project would grow. Many of his friends included a filled envelope of their own while doing good for others, and quickly the gift of giving, and these $55 envelopes spread like wild fire. Today, years later, he still receives calls and emails from strangers telling them how he’s impacted their lives, and how they plan on continuing the chain. I finished this story with a new found faith in humanity – which is rare for me considering I typically think that the general populous is full people who only care as far as the tips of their noses.
Then I got in the car to return back to State College and turned on the radio to discover that Metallica was being held hostage by the radio station. OK, not literally, but the DJ came up with this fun idea that in order to raise money for leukemia research (a cause that this particular station often supports), he’d refuse to play any Metallica until $100 was donated by the listeners. In almost two hours the stationed managed to raise…wait for it…12 dollars. TWELVE DOLLARS?!? Needless to say, he was rather disgusted by his audience, and kept pointing out that if each listener would only donate $1, they’d reach their goal in no time. Finally somebody called in to donate the balance ($76), but ONLY if he could pick the Metallica songs that would be played when they went back on the air. I understand that a lot of listeners are in their cars, and therefore can’t pledge money online like the DJ was requesting, but the simple fact that out of all of NEPA 100 people couldn’t find it in themselves to make a small donation is a pretty bad omen on the state of the world right now.
So here’s my proposition to you….all 6 of you that read this….go out and do something this week that makes a difference in somebody’s life. No idea how to do that? Well then, I’m glad I’m here to help! (In order from little things to big things)
1. Common courtesies – people underestimate how far a smile, or a compliment, or a thank you can go. I’m sure you’ve been somewhere with your hands full and the jackass in front of you didn’t care to hold the door open for you. Or YOU held the door open and said jackass didn’t say thank you. Do the little things – they go a long way. Example: http://pennstate.craigslist.org/rnr/1274935381.html
2. Monetary Donations – In the immortal words of Supertramp, Give a little bit! I’m not talking about making donations around tax time so you can make a write off. You’re doing that for YOU. Instead, give a little bit of money where you know it will do some good. Drop that change in the Salvation Army jug, or send some money to a cause that means something to you. If you’ve lost a loved one too soon, or an organization has made a huge impact in your life, it should be easy to pick a cause. Just remember that every dollar helps.
3. Giving “stuff” – You can’t help everyone. I know. But sometimes a situation will arise when you think you could legitimately make a difference in this person’s life. Once I met a kid living on the street who couldn’t have been any older than me, so I bought him lunch and a new winter cap. Did it better that kid’s life? Probably not, but I know I lifted him up a bit. Remember that socks and sandwiches for the homeless, or toys to children can go a long way. Going to the Salv to donate those designer clothes you haven’t worn in years (as opposed to going to get clothes for a theme party) fits in this category too.
4. Time – To me this is the most important, because it’s the hardest. Donate some time. Again, there are a million causes, and a million resources where you can donate your time. Volunteer at a hospital, work with sick / underprivileged kids (like Big Brothers Big Sisters) or deliver Meals on Wheels to the elderly. There are people that really need personal help every single day, and even though we might be busy, that time spent in front of the TV or at the computer after work could always be put to better use.
Now, I don’t expect everyone who reads this to go out and immediately turn into a saint, giving of all their free time. But just remember, goodness spreads. Do your part.
Now get back to work, crazy.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Rant from the road
Just a couple thoughts from my most recent trip across Rt. 80 (in the rain).
• In Pennsylvania, it’s illegal to coast in the left lane. On a two
lane highway, the left lane is for passing. So…while I understand that
driving your Hummer you’d like to get every little MPG you can get and
save yourself 14 cents by taking the insides of the curves….GET OUT OF
THE LEFT HAND LANE and GET OUT OF MY WAY! You probably have your
blinker on too, a-hole, but that’s a whole ‘nother story.
• And while I’m at it, if you’re in the left hand lane, you better be
going fast enough to justify that perhaps maybe just maybe you’re
going to be passing somebody 25 miles up the road that we can’t even
see yet. At least then you have some sort of defense. But when the
speed limit is 65, traffic is going 80, and you’re doing SIXTY in the
left hand lane…you’re actually just dangerous. You’re lucky I drive an
itty bitty sissy car, because if I drove something big I’d just get
real close behind you and start pushing.
• Speaking of speed – You’re a law abiding citizen. You take “Speed
Limit 65” to its word, and you decide that you’re going to enjoy
yourself in your minivan / Cadillac / busted ass old pickup while
cruising at 55 on the interstate. However, I am not a law abiding
citizen, nor are 95% of the rest of the motorists, and you going that
slow is legitimately dangerous to traffic. If you’re afraid to drive,
GET OFF THE ROAD. Seriously, there are perfectly good country highways
that follow the interstate that have slower speed limits. You’ll be
happier there with the Mennonites and the Amish in their buggies.
Unless of course they’re going fast enough to bother you, too.
• More on speed – PICK ONE! Most cars now adays have cruise control,
so it should be pretty easy to run at a consistent speed. However, if
your vehicle doesn’t have cruise, would it absolutely kill you to
glance down at your speedometer once in a while? It doesn’t seem
unusual to you that you’ve passed / been passed by the same car over
and over again? That’s because you can’t decide between 55 and 75!
We’re not playing tag! These people make me want to pull my hair out.
Then they’re completely confused when I pass them for the 17th time in
4 miles and I give them the finger. I’m pretty sure they think I just
hate them for driving a stupid minivan. When I’m Czar of all things,
these are the first people to die. I’m actually riled up just writing
about it.
• And last but not least. It may be noon and therefore bright enough
for you to see the road. I get it. However, it’s POURING rain,
everybody’s kicking up little water clouds behind them, and it’s
generally hard to see. So please…please….turn your goddamn lights on.
No seriously, I get it…you can see just fine, so why do you need your
lights?? Listen genius, if you don’t turn your HEAD lights on, your
TAIL lights don’t turn on either. So when you’re sitting in the left
hand lane (cause when you do one of these obnoxious things, you
generally do all of these obnoxious things…because you’re a d-bag)
without your lights on in the pouring rain and someone can’t see you –
don’t piss and moan when they end up in your trunk.
Now get back to work, crazy.
• In Pennsylvania, it’s illegal to coast in the left lane. On a two
lane highway, the left lane is for passing. So…while I understand that
driving your Hummer you’d like to get every little MPG you can get and
save yourself 14 cents by taking the insides of the curves….GET OUT OF
THE LEFT HAND LANE and GET OUT OF MY WAY! You probably have your
blinker on too, a-hole, but that’s a whole ‘nother story.
• And while I’m at it, if you’re in the left hand lane, you better be
going fast enough to justify that perhaps maybe just maybe you’re
going to be passing somebody 25 miles up the road that we can’t even
see yet. At least then you have some sort of defense. But when the
speed limit is 65, traffic is going 80, and you’re doing SIXTY in the
left hand lane…you’re actually just dangerous. You’re lucky I drive an
itty bitty sissy car, because if I drove something big I’d just get
real close behind you and start pushing.
• Speaking of speed – You’re a law abiding citizen. You take “Speed
Limit 65” to its word, and you decide that you’re going to enjoy
yourself in your minivan / Cadillac / busted ass old pickup while
cruising at 55 on the interstate. However, I am not a law abiding
citizen, nor are 95% of the rest of the motorists, and you going that
slow is legitimately dangerous to traffic. If you’re afraid to drive,
GET OFF THE ROAD. Seriously, there are perfectly good country highways
that follow the interstate that have slower speed limits. You’ll be
happier there with the Mennonites and the Amish in their buggies.
Unless of course they’re going fast enough to bother you, too.
• More on speed – PICK ONE! Most cars now adays have cruise control,
so it should be pretty easy to run at a consistent speed. However, if
your vehicle doesn’t have cruise, would it absolutely kill you to
glance down at your speedometer once in a while? It doesn’t seem
unusual to you that you’ve passed / been passed by the same car over
and over again? That’s because you can’t decide between 55 and 75!
We’re not playing tag! These people make me want to pull my hair out.
Then they’re completely confused when I pass them for the 17th time in
4 miles and I give them the finger. I’m pretty sure they think I just
hate them for driving a stupid minivan. When I’m Czar of all things,
these are the first people to die. I’m actually riled up just writing
about it.
• And last but not least. It may be noon and therefore bright enough
for you to see the road. I get it. However, it’s POURING rain,
everybody’s kicking up little water clouds behind them, and it’s
generally hard to see. So please…please….turn your goddamn lights on.
No seriously, I get it…you can see just fine, so why do you need your
lights?? Listen genius, if you don’t turn your HEAD lights on, your
TAIL lights don’t turn on either. So when you’re sitting in the left
hand lane (cause when you do one of these obnoxious things, you
generally do all of these obnoxious things…because you’re a d-bag)
without your lights on in the pouring rain and someone can’t see you –
don’t piss and moan when they end up in your trunk.
Now get back to work, crazy.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
I believe I can fly!
I believe I can fly!
For those of you who may not of been privileged enough to be members of SigEp at Lehigh, you may not be aware of our (my) tradition of asking “which super-power would you rather have: flight, invisibility, or blowjobs on demand?” during pledge interviews. You tend to learn a lot about a person from the ensuing conversation. I mean, guys, think about the ramifications of these choices? Flight or invisibility could really help change your life or change the world. Think of all you could do and all that could be accomplished. But could you really pass up sexual gratification on demand?
All of these would be undeniably awesome super powers. I don’t think anybody could argue with that. But that got me thinking – what about really average super powers? Powers that while possibly cool, wouldn’t really have any huge world-altering possibilities. No, no, no, that’s too easy. Scrap that. I want BAD super powers. Powers that, while you would be like no other person on earth, and the power might seem cool to others, you’d pretty much be burdened by it and hate life.
Here are some just off the top of my head, but I’d definitely like some input on this one from the peanut gallery.
1. The constant ability to hear the thoughts of wildlife. - Personally I think this would be pretty cool – until I think about the details. Imagine if you had to hear the inner most thoughts of really simple creatures like bugs and birds all the time. Do you think that they think about anything other than food and defecation? Betcha not. And what if their thoughts wouldn’t be in English. So…what if you’d walk around and basically hear dogs barking in their heads all the time. I bet that wouldn’t be any fun…
2. The ability to catch fire (like the human torch)…but the inability to control it. - I don’t think I even need to get in to the social ramifications of this.
3. The ability to sleep…through anything. – Admit it, at first thought this seems AWESOME. But could you keep a regular job? Alarms would be worthless, so you’d have to go to bed ridiculously early every night. You can then basically throw out your social life. Plus what about those little naps on the train or plane while commuting. Those are gone too. You’d actually have to make a conscious effort never to doze off in class or at the office…because you’d sleep for hours! Needless to say, I’m not sure there’s enough caffeine in the world to make that worth it.
4. The ability to always know what one other person is doing. - You don’t get to change the person, and there’s no guarantee that you even know who the person is. I’m not sure about the logistics of this one – would you constantly hear their thoughts? Would be it like a movie narrative in your head? Either or, sounds interesting until you consider that you can’t turn it off.
5. Knowing how any sporting event you have any interest in is going to end. – Now before you get all excited about the betting possibilities of this (Mike Petite), keep in mind that this will take any and all joy about watching sports at all. All sports. Even wii sports. I know…sucks doesn’t it.
Leave some comments and give some other fun bad super powers. I know you have some in mind. Let’s hear ‘em.
Now get back to work, crazy.
“It’s not easy, to be-eeee, meeeee” – 5 For Fighting
For those of you who may not of been privileged enough to be members of SigEp at Lehigh, you may not be aware of our (my) tradition of asking “which super-power would you rather have: flight, invisibility, or blowjobs on demand?” during pledge interviews. You tend to learn a lot about a person from the ensuing conversation. I mean, guys, think about the ramifications of these choices? Flight or invisibility could really help change your life or change the world. Think of all you could do and all that could be accomplished. But could you really pass up sexual gratification on demand?
All of these would be undeniably awesome super powers. I don’t think anybody could argue with that. But that got me thinking – what about really average super powers? Powers that while possibly cool, wouldn’t really have any huge world-altering possibilities. No, no, no, that’s too easy. Scrap that. I want BAD super powers. Powers that, while you would be like no other person on earth, and the power might seem cool to others, you’d pretty much be burdened by it and hate life.
Here are some just off the top of my head, but I’d definitely like some input on this one from the peanut gallery.
1. The constant ability to hear the thoughts of wildlife. - Personally I think this would be pretty cool – until I think about the details. Imagine if you had to hear the inner most thoughts of really simple creatures like bugs and birds all the time. Do you think that they think about anything other than food and defecation? Betcha not. And what if their thoughts wouldn’t be in English. So…what if you’d walk around and basically hear dogs barking in their heads all the time. I bet that wouldn’t be any fun…
2. The ability to catch fire (like the human torch)…but the inability to control it. - I don’t think I even need to get in to the social ramifications of this.
3. The ability to sleep…through anything. – Admit it, at first thought this seems AWESOME. But could you keep a regular job? Alarms would be worthless, so you’d have to go to bed ridiculously early every night. You can then basically throw out your social life. Plus what about those little naps on the train or plane while commuting. Those are gone too. You’d actually have to make a conscious effort never to doze off in class or at the office…because you’d sleep for hours! Needless to say, I’m not sure there’s enough caffeine in the world to make that worth it.
4. The ability to always know what one other person is doing. - You don’t get to change the person, and there’s no guarantee that you even know who the person is. I’m not sure about the logistics of this one – would you constantly hear their thoughts? Would be it like a movie narrative in your head? Either or, sounds interesting until you consider that you can’t turn it off.
5. Knowing how any sporting event you have any interest in is going to end. – Now before you get all excited about the betting possibilities of this (Mike Petite), keep in mind that this will take any and all joy about watching sports at all. All sports. Even wii sports. I know…sucks doesn’t it.
Leave some comments and give some other fun bad super powers. I know you have some in mind. Let’s hear ‘em.
Now get back to work, crazy.
“It’s not easy, to be-eeee, meeeee” – 5 For Fighting
Friday, July 17, 2009
The great space waste
Today I was going to follow up my inaugural post with a pretty sweet discussion on bad super powers (super powers like turning invisible, not like China). Don’t worry, that topic’s coming, but when possible in this space I’d like to address things that are current and news worthy. Ya know, keep it fresh, and all that good stuff.
While watching the news this morning I was informed that today is the 40th anniversary of the first moon landing, and that got me thinking – in a time when the world is facing the largest financial crisis since the Great Depression, should I as an average citizen care whatsoever about our space program? What has the space program accomplished that is worth the estimated $460 billion (Yes, billion. That’s a lot of zeros) budgeted to NASA since 1958. And most importantly, on this anniversary, should I care that we ever went to the moon at all?
So let’s take a look. What has NASA done for us lately? NASA claims that the latest in thermometer technology “was made possible by NASA's ability to measure the temperatures of stars and planets -- without ever leaving the ground!” Cool. Who doesn’t like a nice warm space-aged thermometer up their butts when they’re sick? Thanks NASA! But seriously – why do we care about the temperature of far off stars and planets? Can somebody tell me what good that has ever done for man-kind? Anybody? Bueller? Right…didn’t think so. Moving on. Virtual reality and robotic “pigs” that automatically feed piglets were made possible through NASA research (being a momma pig taking care of your young was WAY over rated anyway), and while they both may be cool technological advancements, neither one of them seem particularly specific to space travel. The search continues. Ok, this one has some potential - NASA and Disney are finding ways to use human and industrial waste to provide the ingredients needed for growing edible plants. This technology will be needed for establishing human colonies on other worlds. Ok, feeding the masses – I’m with you on this one. I can buy into this research (even if it implies that our food is being made from poop…). But A. this is more research that’s taking place on the ground (NOT in space) and B. I think we’re stretching just a bit by looking into feeding human colonies on other worlds when we’re having trouble feeding ourselves here on Earth.
I’m not completely cynical, however. Despite my sarcasm, I do understand that NASA has brought us some valuable technologies that we rely on every day. I’m not sure we’d be able to function as a society if out of the blue they took all of our satellites away. I mean, I get pissed when I hit a cell phone dead zone driving across Rt 80. OK great, so keep the research going, because obviously some of that spending is going to good use. But I’m still stuck on one of those original questions. None of the social and technological advances that NASA claims has anything to do with having humans on the moon, so short of trying to make the Russians feel inferior, why the heck did we go to the moon at all? If there’s not a solid answer to that question, then why do we still to this day want to put men on Mars? I’m sorry, but I just don’t see it. When I work with kids every day that can’t afford new shoes, and money’s being taken away from health care and education to help balance the budget, I feel the $1.5 billion to put a man-bearing (pigging?) spacecraft into orbit is a little hard to justify. When Neil Armstrong said “this is one small step for man,” maybe he should have just stopped there.
Who would have guessed I started caring about people’s welfare a little?
Now get back to work, crazy.
P.S. - I'm helping to run a camp next week where there aren't many creature comforts....like wireless internet (gasp!). I'll try to post two or three days next week, but if the postings are few and far between, well, tough poop.
While watching the news this morning I was informed that today is the 40th anniversary of the first moon landing, and that got me thinking – in a time when the world is facing the largest financial crisis since the Great Depression, should I as an average citizen care whatsoever about our space program? What has the space program accomplished that is worth the estimated $460 billion (Yes, billion. That’s a lot of zeros) budgeted to NASA since 1958. And most importantly, on this anniversary, should I care that we ever went to the moon at all?
So let’s take a look. What has NASA done for us lately? NASA claims that the latest in thermometer technology “was made possible by NASA's ability to measure the temperatures of stars and planets -- without ever leaving the ground!” Cool. Who doesn’t like a nice warm space-aged thermometer up their butts when they’re sick? Thanks NASA! But seriously – why do we care about the temperature of far off stars and planets? Can somebody tell me what good that has ever done for man-kind? Anybody? Bueller? Right…didn’t think so. Moving on. Virtual reality and robotic “pigs” that automatically feed piglets were made possible through NASA research (being a momma pig taking care of your young was WAY over rated anyway), and while they both may be cool technological advancements, neither one of them seem particularly specific to space travel. The search continues. Ok, this one has some potential - NASA and Disney are finding ways to use human and industrial waste to provide the ingredients needed for growing edible plants. This technology will be needed for establishing human colonies on other worlds. Ok, feeding the masses – I’m with you on this one. I can buy into this research (even if it implies that our food is being made from poop…). But A. this is more research that’s taking place on the ground (NOT in space) and B. I think we’re stretching just a bit by looking into feeding human colonies on other worlds when we’re having trouble feeding ourselves here on Earth.
I’m not completely cynical, however. Despite my sarcasm, I do understand that NASA has brought us some valuable technologies that we rely on every day. I’m not sure we’d be able to function as a society if out of the blue they took all of our satellites away. I mean, I get pissed when I hit a cell phone dead zone driving across Rt 80. OK great, so keep the research going, because obviously some of that spending is going to good use. But I’m still stuck on one of those original questions. None of the social and technological advances that NASA claims has anything to do with having humans on the moon, so short of trying to make the Russians feel inferior, why the heck did we go to the moon at all? If there’s not a solid answer to that question, then why do we still to this day want to put men on Mars? I’m sorry, but I just don’t see it. When I work with kids every day that can’t afford new shoes, and money’s being taken away from health care and education to help balance the budget, I feel the $1.5 billion to put a man-bearing (pigging?) spacecraft into orbit is a little hard to justify. When Neil Armstrong said “this is one small step for man,” maybe he should have just stopped there.
Who would have guessed I started caring about people’s welfare a little?
Now get back to work, crazy.
P.S. - I'm helping to run a camp next week where there aren't many creature comforts....like wireless internet (gasp!). I'll try to post two or three days next week, but if the postings are few and far between, well, tough poop.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
The Inaugural Post
Good morning! So, I’m not sure how it came to be, but through a series of sexual promises and terrifying threats, I agreed to start up a blog. Let it be clear that I’m sort of anti-blog, so I’m not sure how long or how successful this will be, but here we go. While discussing the prospects of this project this morning, a friend made a really good point, informing me, “please don’t. No one cares what you think.” Well shit, I never thought of it that way. What if the angry little elf has a point? So, I decided I needed a purpose and direction in this little endeavor beyond filling the world with my wisdom. What can I offer my friends (since inevitably they’ll be the only ones reading this) that would help make their day better? After much debate, I could only think of one thing that I’m really exceptionally good at that I would feel comfortable passing on to the world – Procrastination! I am an absolutely masterful procrastinator, and in a new job where I have very little to do but need to appear busy from time to time, I’ve really started to finely tune these skills.
So there you have it – my raison d’etre for this little project. When you’re bored at work and need to kill a few minutes, you know damn right well that you’re gonna check this blog and see what I’m thinking. Whether you want to or not. You might even kill a few more minutes chiming in and giving your two cents on whatever the topic of the day is (except for you Zales – no one cares what you think). And it gives me something else to do that isn’t “real” work, thus making me look busy. Everyone wins!
Today’s Musing: Recent Cracked Out Athletes
Perusing ESPN.com today, I stumbled across three different stories about pro athletes in trouble because of drugs. I guess we’ve time-warped back to the Cowboys of the 90s or the 80s NBA and nobody told me. But anyway, since I DO work for Counter Drug, I figured this would be a nice jump off topic. Addressing these in order of complete ridiculousness…
1. Cocaine ban over, Richard Gasquet cleared to resume playing tennis – The #32 ranked Gasquet was suspended for the past 2.5 months for testing positive for cocaine. His defense was that he went to a night club in Canada after a tournament, made out with some random girl….and her coke somehow got into his system. Sounds like an absolutely ridiculous defense to me – however, tennis’s governing body apparently disagreed! They said that while the club was "notoriously associated with use of illegal recreational drugs including cocaine," the amount of coke found in his system was small enough to corroborate the likelihood of his story. Could you imagine being the defense lawyer going into the trial with that defense and winning? I probably would have offered my client my condolences before I realized that the verdict was actually a positive one. Ridiculous. Moral of the story: When you make an obscene amount of money to play a game, if you’re a reputable dude, don’t go to shady places! No good will come of it. Just ask Pacman Jones…
2. Former NFL Running back Travis Henry gets 3 years for being involved with a cocaine ring – Now, this may not seem too ridiculous until you learn why he got involved in said ring to begin with. Henry was a promising running back before he got released for “drug use and perceived lack of commitment.” Ok…nothing out of the ordinary there. But here’s where the unintentional comedy just flies off the charts. Being your typical inner-city kid turned pro athlete, Henry didn’t take care of his money, and when he lost his job he found that he couldn’t keep up with his child support payments. For nine kids. From nine different women. Well what better way to get back on your feet then to invest what little money you have left into a cocaine ring? I mean…with the struggling economy and all that….wow. His message after getting his sentence was, "If given the chance, I want to tell kids around the world that using drugs and abusing drugs isn't the way." With Henry’s history, it wouldn’t surprise me if he had to travel the world simply to tell his OWN kids that drugs aren’t the way. Moral of the story: wrap it up, stupid!
3. Jeremy Mayfield tests positive for meth….again! - Now, just to be clear, I dislike NASCAR. Watching cars drive around in a circle for hours in hopes of possibly seeing a crash is just not entertaining to me. However, I do appreciate the skill involved in driving 6752 mph around a track while trying to pass other people and not die. What I DON’T understand is why somebody would think it would be a good idea to take meth at any point during a career which requires extreme levels of coordination and reaction time. Drugabuse.gov writes, “Chronic methamphetamine abusers (Mayfield’s step mother says he’s been using at least since the mid 90’s) can also display a number of psychotic features, including paranoia, visual and auditory hallucinations, and delusions (for example, the sensation of insects crawling under the skin).” Oh yeah…those are problems I want to have while driving a race car at top speed. OK, so let’s play devil’s advocate and acknowledge that maybe the drug’s fun and, excuse Mayfield for indulging every once in a while. Questionable logic due to his profession? Sure. But we’re all human and we have trouble resisting our vices. But just DAYS after a court decided he could go back to racing because the evidence against him in the first case was indecisive – he tests positive again! Man, that must have been one hell of a party to celebrate the court’s decision. Moral of the story: Jeremy, you’re an idiot. Plain and simple. I hope there are no little Mayfields running around to continue the gene-pool.
I hope you’ve enjoyed the first post. Sorry it’s 1000 words – future posts should be shorter, but let’s be honest…if I have a rant, I’m just going to keep on rolling. I will not be censored!
Now get back to work, crazy.
So there you have it – my raison d’etre for this little project. When you’re bored at work and need to kill a few minutes, you know damn right well that you’re gonna check this blog and see what I’m thinking. Whether you want to or not. You might even kill a few more minutes chiming in and giving your two cents on whatever the topic of the day is (except for you Zales – no one cares what you think). And it gives me something else to do that isn’t “real” work, thus making me look busy. Everyone wins!
Today’s Musing: Recent Cracked Out Athletes
Perusing ESPN.com today, I stumbled across three different stories about pro athletes in trouble because of drugs. I guess we’ve time-warped back to the Cowboys of the 90s or the 80s NBA and nobody told me. But anyway, since I DO work for Counter Drug, I figured this would be a nice jump off topic. Addressing these in order of complete ridiculousness…
1. Cocaine ban over, Richard Gasquet cleared to resume playing tennis – The #32 ranked Gasquet was suspended for the past 2.5 months for testing positive for cocaine. His defense was that he went to a night club in Canada after a tournament, made out with some random girl….and her coke somehow got into his system. Sounds like an absolutely ridiculous defense to me – however, tennis’s governing body apparently disagreed! They said that while the club was "notoriously associated with use of illegal recreational drugs including cocaine," the amount of coke found in his system was small enough to corroborate the likelihood of his story. Could you imagine being the defense lawyer going into the trial with that defense and winning? I probably would have offered my client my condolences before I realized that the verdict was actually a positive one. Ridiculous. Moral of the story: When you make an obscene amount of money to play a game, if you’re a reputable dude, don’t go to shady places! No good will come of it. Just ask Pacman Jones…
2. Former NFL Running back Travis Henry gets 3 years for being involved with a cocaine ring – Now, this may not seem too ridiculous until you learn why he got involved in said ring to begin with. Henry was a promising running back before he got released for “drug use and perceived lack of commitment.” Ok…nothing out of the ordinary there. But here’s where the unintentional comedy just flies off the charts. Being your typical inner-city kid turned pro athlete, Henry didn’t take care of his money, and when he lost his job he found that he couldn’t keep up with his child support payments. For nine kids. From nine different women. Well what better way to get back on your feet then to invest what little money you have left into a cocaine ring? I mean…with the struggling economy and all that….wow. His message after getting his sentence was, "If given the chance, I want to tell kids around the world that using drugs and abusing drugs isn't the way." With Henry’s history, it wouldn’t surprise me if he had to travel the world simply to tell his OWN kids that drugs aren’t the way. Moral of the story: wrap it up, stupid!
3. Jeremy Mayfield tests positive for meth….again! - Now, just to be clear, I dislike NASCAR. Watching cars drive around in a circle for hours in hopes of possibly seeing a crash is just not entertaining to me. However, I do appreciate the skill involved in driving 6752 mph around a track while trying to pass other people and not die. What I DON’T understand is why somebody would think it would be a good idea to take meth at any point during a career which requires extreme levels of coordination and reaction time. Drugabuse.gov writes, “Chronic methamphetamine abusers (Mayfield’s step mother says he’s been using at least since the mid 90’s) can also display a number of psychotic features, including paranoia, visual and auditory hallucinations, and delusions (for example, the sensation of insects crawling under the skin).” Oh yeah…those are problems I want to have while driving a race car at top speed. OK, so let’s play devil’s advocate and acknowledge that maybe the drug’s fun and, excuse Mayfield for indulging every once in a while. Questionable logic due to his profession? Sure. But we’re all human and we have trouble resisting our vices. But just DAYS after a court decided he could go back to racing because the evidence against him in the first case was indecisive – he tests positive again! Man, that must have been one hell of a party to celebrate the court’s decision. Moral of the story: Jeremy, you’re an idiot. Plain and simple. I hope there are no little Mayfields running around to continue the gene-pool.
I hope you’ve enjoyed the first post. Sorry it’s 1000 words – future posts should be shorter, but let’s be honest…if I have a rant, I’m just going to keep on rolling. I will not be censored!
Now get back to work, crazy.
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